Determined to write your own vows?

Once you and your future spouse have agreed to write your own vows, here are some guidelines to follow.


Step One

Agree on format and tone with your fiance.

Decide how you want your vows to come across. Will they be humorous? Poetic and romantic? Go over the logistics too. Will you write them separately or together? Will they be completely different or will you make the same promises to each other, as you would with traditional vows? Some couples do a little of each. Finally, will you share them with each other or keep them a secret until the wedding day?



Step Two

Read dozens of vow examples for inspiration.

Start by reading traditional, by-the-book vows to see what strikes a chord with you. You can incorporate these into the original words you write, or just use them as a jumping-off point for your personalized vows. Once you've found a few you love, consider what it is about the style that draws you to those vows in particular.

Also review passages of poetry, love stories, and famous writing about love. You may look here for inspiration, or go to my Pinterest page for additional readings and examples. Print out your favorites, and highlight passages that especially speak to you.

Step Three

Jot down notes about your relationship.

Take some time to reflect on your fiancé. Think about how you felt when you first met, what made you fall in love and when you knew you wanted to get married. Write it all out. Here are some questions to get you started:

  • Why did you decide to get married?
  • What hard times have you gone through together?
  • What have you supported each other through?
  • What challenges do you envision in your future?
  • What do you want to accomplish together?
  • What makes your relationship tick?
  • What did you think when you first saw your fiance?
  • When did you realize you were in love?
  • What do you most respect about your partner?
  • How has your life gotten better since meeting your mate?
  • What about them inspires you?
  • What do you miss most about them when you're apart?
  • What qualities do you most admire in each other?